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The hot news in Suttonford this morning was that Bad Girl and Not Exactly

Disney Princess, Juniper Boothroyd-Smythe has been gated by her mother,

the hard-pressed Gisela, for posting a selfie of her twerking talents on the


The little hussy’s brother, John, grassed on her to exact revenge as his sister

had recently imprisoned him in his bedroom by yarn-bombing the door handle

and had shouted at him through the keyhole that he should take up twerping.

I don’t understand these girls, Brassica opined.  I’m so glad that I only have

boys to deal with. I mean, those latex costumes that the girls wear when they

gyrate- they must chafe horribly!

I offered no response initially, but just stirred my flat white and then reflected

aloud:  Miley Cyrus’ dance moves at some music event did not shock me

particularly.  After all, anyone who has had to teach teenagers is basically

desensitised to their in-your-face antics.  If they want to make twerks of

themselves in public, plus ca change.  Sticking one’s butt out and shaking it

has become a bit passe, a bit of a cliche.  Even Renault used the concept to

sell their boring cars.  Different if it was daring and arty, like, say, Josephine

Baker wiggling all those bananas, but frankly, my dear, most of these little

shockers just make me yawn.

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Hmm, Brassie nodded, I suppose it HAS all been done before.  Goodness

knows what ‘all that jazz’ was in the musical, Chicago.  Something unsavoury

about rolling down your stockings, breaking your garters and an activity with

your girdle was in the lyrics, as far as I recall.

I believe so, I confirmed.  Just give all these pranks the good old damnatio

memoriae treatment.  Like, okay, kids, we’ve seen it all before.  Try to be

more original.  Let’s face it, we have changed the nappies on all too many

butts.  Been there; done that; gave the Betamax video to the charity shop

yonks ago.

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Brassie swallowed some of her coffee the wrong way and choked.

Candia, you’re not telling me that YOU did some of those moves once upon a


Them that asks no questions aren’t told a lie, I quoted and gave her a wink.

Now, butt out, as the current terminology goes!  End of.