Ain’t Nothin’ Like a Dame!
24 Monday Apr 2023
Posted art, Celebrities, Humour, News, Photography, Satire, Sculpture, Theatre
in24 Monday Apr 2023
Posted art, Celebrities, Humour, News, Photography, Satire, Sculpture, Theatre
in26 Sunday Feb 2023
Posted Environment, Humour, Literature, Nature, Personal, Photography, Poetry, Psychology, Satire, Travel
in03 Thursday Feb 2022
Posted Celebrities, Humour, News, Poetry, Politics, Satire, Social Comment, Writing
inTags
Angela Rayner, Boris Johnson, clerihew, House of Commons, Keir Starmer, Lynne Truss, Pm's Question Time, Rishi Sunak, Satire
Lynne Truss,
What an embarrassing fuss!
She confused the Baltic and Black Sea.
Does she have Geography GCSE?
Boris Johnson, PM,
from whom the Tory Party and the country’s troubles stem,
knows all about ‘tragic miscalculation[s]’
and is woefully inept at international relations.
Angela Rayner,
lover of the biker boot and trainer,
called the Conservatives ‘scum.’
Maybe, some think, she wasn’t quite so dumb?
Keir Starmer,
we’d be misled if we called him a charmer-
inadvertently, or not, the Scots crofter was hot.
His principled stand eclipsed the whole lot.*
(in some people’s opinion)
Jacob Rees-Mogg,
Princeling of Pettifog?
Is that a silver spoon in the pocket of your pantaloon,
or are you pleased to see us, that you may bestow a boon?
Rishi Sunak.
is giving us £200 back.
‘Now, don’t bite the hand that feeds you,’ he may say.
No, we’ll leave that till the Election Day.
23 Sunday May 2021
Posted Fashion, Humour, Literature, Personal, Poetry, Psychology, Satire, Social Comment, Writing
inI think I wrote this poem based on an entry in The Pillow Book of Sei Shonagon,
which was a list of ugly things. I tried to bring it up to date with pet hates of the
20th and 21st century.
Juxtaposing hair
which is unkempt with fine clothes;
a fascinator
on a helmet-like mullet;
hand-made paper spoiled
by spidery handwriting;
low-cut brides kneeling
in front of praying vicars;
presenting logic to the
concrete operational,
who try to pretend
that they understand;
a trout-pout selfie taken
by a narcissist – tramp-stamped,
and no Spring chicken either.
22 Sunday Mar 2020
Posted Humour, Literature, Personal, Philosophy, Poetry, Psychology, Religion, Satire, Social Comment
inPrimitive I ate my fill of a whale that died And stranded after a month at sea. . . . There is a pain in my inside. Why have the Gods afflicted me? Ow! I am purged till I am a wraith! Wow! I am sick till I cannot see! What is the sense of Religion and Faith : Look how the Gods have afflicted me! Pagan How can the skin of rat or mouse hold Anything more than a harmless flea?. . . The burning plague has taken my household. Why have my Gods afflicted me? All my kith and kin are deceased, Though they were as good as good could be, I will out and batter the family priest, Because my Gods have afflicted me!
Medi/Eval My privy and well drain into each other After the custom of Christendie. . . . Fevers and fluxes are wasting my mother. Why has the Lord afflicted me? The Saints are helpless for all I offer-- So are the clergy I used to fee. Henceforward I keep my cash in my coffer, Because the Lord has afflicted me. Material I run eight hundred hens to the acre They die by dozens mysteriously. . . . I am more than doubtful concerning my Maker, Why has the Lord afflicted me? What a return for all my endeavour-- Not to mention the L. S. D! I am an atheist now and for ever, Because this God has afflicted me!
Progressive Money spent on an Army or Fleet Is homicidal lunacy. . . . My son has been killed in the Mons retreat, Why is the Lord afflicting me? Why are murder, pillage and arson And rape allowed by the Deity? I will write to the Times, deriding our parson Because my God has afflicted me. Chorus We had a kettle: we let it leak: Our not repairing it made it worse. We haven't had any tea for a week. . . The bottom is out of the Universe!
Conclusion This was none of the good Lord's pleasure, For the Spirit He breathed in Man is free; But what comes after is measure for measure, And not a God that afflicteth thee. As was the sowing so the reaping Is now and evermore shall be. Thou art delivered to thine own keeping. Only Thyself hath afflicted thee!
11 Wednesday Mar 2020
Posted art, Humour, Personal, Philosophy, Photography, Religion, Satire
inTags
Blenheim, Divine intervention, existence of God, God, installation art, Michelangelo Pistoletto, theology
Photo by Candia Dixon-Stuart
24 Monday Feb 2020
Photo and title by Candia
Posted by Candia | Filed under Architecture, art, Fashion, Humour, Personal, Photography, Satire
14 Thursday Nov 2019
No such thing as a free lunch! Bread for all – in exchange for votes.
Photo by Candia from the Pompeii Exhibition @ The Ashmolean
20 Sunday Oct 2019
Posted Celebrities, News, Photography, Politics, Satire, Social Comment
inTags
Seen in Oxford shop window Photo by Candia
10 Thursday Oct 2019
Posted art, Celebrities, Humour, Personal, Photography, Satire
inchanneling my inner Jonathan Meades/ Waldemar
The title of this mural is Edinburgh Darkness III. It’s not dark
enough, so I superimposed my trademark dark glasses.
Photo by The Husband- under strict instruction.