Oh, Mrs May,
what are we to do when there’s only one day
left, until we’re floundering,
jusqu’aux cous in merde; unable to sing?
Poetic ordinance regarding the Fishing Guidelines for
harvesting of certain shellfish in Guernsey and, for all I
know Sark too!
Haliotis tuberculata (not a nice name!)
Photo by Hans Hillewaert, Creative Commons attrib.
You must not collect
ormers, except on days of
the Full, or New Moon
and two others between
January 1st and
April the 30th.
This is a mere guide.
Please contact Sea Fisheries
for further information.
Don’t take the small ones.
In your possession you may
have cooked, pickled ones,
but eschew the deep frozen
and don’t cull while snorkelling.
If submerged partially,
it’s still a no-no.
The onus of proof is yours
to show innocence.
If you’re dining on a boat,
you’ll have to prove that
you didn’t dive for ormers.
(What the heck is an ormer?)
Anyway, don’t shuck them.
As for exporting –
except the cultivated –
only with permission
from Sea Fisheries!
Don’t even think about it.
That goes for importing too.
Please return the rocks
to their original sites.
Move crabs aside and
don’t stamp on fragile creatures.
Don’t frighten roosting
birds at Lihou, or Lissroy.
Park where you’re told
and take your rubbish with you.
Beware of the incoming
tides. Don’t get stranded.
Do not degrade habitats;
Apart from that, try to have
a relaxing holiday!
The lawyer asked Him: Who is my neighbour?
He said, I’ll offer moral assistance.
Nowadays you’re out at work and ignore
those who live opposite, or alongside.
One day you spot someone in a bad state,
lying in their drive, but you’re in a rush.
I’m late to pick the kids up, so must rush.
It’s bound to be dealt with by a neighbour,
so I’ll spring into my Audi estate.
That nosy woman will give assistance –
the one who draws her curtains to one side.
A chance for do-gooding, she won’t ignore.
I should ring up the police, but just ignore
those dodgy callers, who seemed in a rush
and annoyed me by parking on my side:
too many visitors for one neighbour!
They doubtless gave him hefty assistance
with his mortgage. (He comes from a rogue state.)
You’ve claimed you’re public-spirited, but state
your character through your actions; ignore
the twitching corpse in his drive. Assistance!
Who helped to dig you out when in a rush?
It was the man from the AA. Neighbour?
Getting involved can just be suicide.
And, if I go over and kneel beside
this loser; feel his pulse, what kind of state
will my Chinos end up in? This ‘neighbour’
could contaminate me; I should ignore
his plight. A family man’s in no rush
to inhale nerve agents. Police assistance –
or, perhaps paramedic assistance…
they’ll have Hazmats and antidotes beside.
Where angels fear to tread they’re known to rush.
Samaritans don’t live on this estate!
So, walk on by is what you’ll do; ignore
the parlous condition of your neighbour?
Rush to his side? No, not for one’s neighbour.
To ignore the perils of assistance
is for citizens of another state.