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Candia Comes Clean

~ Candid cultural comments from the Isles of Wonder

Monthly Archives: January 2016

Our Principles Define Us

24 Sunday Jan 2016

Posted by Candia in Arts, Bible, Celebrities, Media, mythology, Parenting, Psychology, Relationships, Religion, Social Comment, Writing

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Ai Weiwei, Changi, David Battie, deferred gratification, Dim sum, earthen vessels, Garden of Eden, Heathrow, Horatius Bonar, Humpty Dumpty, Jia Xiang, KrisFlyer, NGV Melbourne, Qing vase, Singapore Airlines, The Antiques Roadshow, The Fitzwilliam, Trust, UOB Bank, Warhol

Image result for Chinese vase

(Walters Collection, Baltimore)

I wouldn’t trust him with a barge pole, said Brassie, firmly.

How does she create these mixed metaphors?  What would

she expect someone to do with a barge pole?  Run off with it and

sell it on E-bay?

I kept thinking about the short advert for UOB Private Bank which

I saw on KrisFlyer, on the screen on the back of the seat in front of

me, during my flight on Singapore Airlines, from Changi to Heathrow.

The advert was a lot more interesting than the films on offer.

Trust.  “Our Principles Define Us.”

A sweet little boy- Jia Xiang- is shown a large blue and white vase

by his father, who tells him that it is priceless and irreplaceable.  The

parent places it on his display shelves and asks his son not to touch it.

The boy nods and promises.

Later Jia Xiang is bored as it is raining and he goes to the shelf and takes

the vase down, in order to look at it.

A servant calls him for Dim Sum and the boy hurriedly replaces it on the

shelf, but not in the exact same position.

(Matt@PEK Flickr)

His father later questions him as to whether he touched the vase.  Truthfully,

the boy confesses and his father raises the vase and smashes it to the floor.

He then tells his son that trust is of the utmost importance.  They hug.

Hmmm, as a non-committal Anglican vicar friend of mine might comment.

Ai Weiwei.jpg

(Image by Hafenbar)

The underlying metaphor reminded me of the video at the NGV, Melbourne.

The Ai Weiwei/ Warhol exhibition is brilliant and featured footage of the

Chinese artist raising an ancient vase above his head and smashing it to

the ground. I think we are meant to question its cultural, aesthetic and

historical value.  All I could think was:  What a shame!  I hope it was a fake.

It’s like David Battie on The Antiques Roadshow, assessing some priceless

piece of porcelain.  I keep wanting to shout out at the screen:  Be careful!

You are making me nervous!

I remember some visitor stumbled down the stairs at The Fitzwilliam Museum

in Cambridge and knocked over three Qing vases on a sill in the stairwell.

They had a combined value of £500,000.

He should have tied his shoelaces.

Restorers did manage to put all the shards together again- unlike Humpty

Dumpty.

But should the museum have trusted the visitors?  Well, 9 million people

had passed them before and nothing untoward had occurred.

When The Husband broke both of my prize lustre vases in one week, I had to

ask myself where I placed my value.  The Bible says we have our treasure in

earthen vessels, so I suppose the vessels are only the receptacles.  Where

your treasure is, there will your heart be.

I was still annoyed!

Sometimes I remember the patient child in the psychology experiment on

deferred gratification.  When told not to touch the sweets and there would be

a greater reward after a little time, some kids just could not wait.  Others

could and reaped the benefits of even more confectionery.

Sometimes I wish that I was able to trust God and leave things alone and not

touch them.

But then, it is the same old problems as our forefathers had in The Garden of

Eden:  curiosity, impatience and lack of trust.

Our principles define us, as the UOB advert says.

Christianity often recommends having a firm grasp.  Horatius Bonar’s hymn

sprang into my mind:

Here, O my Lord, I see Thee face to face.

Here would I touch and handle things unseen.

Here grasp with firmer hand eternal grace…

Oh, for a more tactful and careful approach to dealing with sensitive matters!

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The Wrong Wellies

23 Saturday Jan 2016

Posted by Candia in Celebrities, Fashion, Humour, Language, Literature, Parenting, Personal, Politics, Social Comment, Suttonford, Travel, Writing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

barista, Botticelli, Brassica, Brunetti's, Chinese New Year, Commissario Brunetti, Commissario Montelbano, David Cameron, Donna Leon, Donna Tartt, Hunter wellies, kiddychino, Nicola Sturgeon, Rebekah Brooks, salted caramel eclair, SamCam, Singapore Sling

(image by abc 10)

 

So basically you have been unfaithful to ‘Costamuchamoulah’ cafe here in

Suttonford? Brassica accused me.

It wasn’t like that, I tried to defend myself. No bog-brush bearded baristas

were involved, I assure you.  It’s just that ‘Brunetti’s’ salted caramel eclairs in

Melbourne were so tempting.

That Italian name’s familiar, Brassie interrupted.

You’re thinking of Donna Leon’s Commissario Brunetti, I surmised, knowing

she’d read a couple of the volumes in the series at her ‘Bookworm’ group.

But, you know, I’d prefer to make a tangential mental leap to summon up a

vision of Commissario Montelbano- the young one, I mused.  Actually, one

of the waiters who brought me extra marshmallows was kind of like him. He

had the same bandy legs, but Botticelli curls.

Mmm, quite a lot of Italian guys do.  Yet, you’ve been swanning round the

globe while the rest of us were generating mould in our ‘Hunter’ wellies from

the condensation build-up of Apocalyptic precipitation levels?

Join Nicola Sturgeon’s clan.  But not David Cameron’s.

How so?

She shares your taste in trending wellies.  Apparently Cameron wore a cheap

pair when he visited the flooded areas.

Oh, that was for the press, she exclaimed.  Do you think SamCam would

let him out in anything cheap if he was (say) visiting Rebekah Brooks for a bit

of a pot supper, after helping her to muck out at her stables?

Okay, I’m sorry.  By the by, I would be surprised if SamCam, as you call her,

allowed him out at all, when he is off-duty.  She would probably prefer him to

come home smelling of roses.

Why do I always get Donna Leon and Donna Tartt mixed up?

Dunno. Easily done. I took my tablet out of its case.

Look! This was us on our final evening at ‘Raffles’, on the way home.

Put it away, barked Brassie.  I’m not interested.  Anyway, you said you

went there twice, so I can’t forgive you.

She couldn’t resist a peek.

What were you trying to do?  Live up to your gravatar?

No, I was just having a ‘Singapore Sling.’

She drew me an even greater disapproving look.

Not a ‘fling’. You can get virgin ones, you know, I pleaded.

Silence.

No, actually.  Look, I’m not trying to be elitist.  Nowadays

it is a virtual extension of a creche.  Kids everywhere.  All these

special venues are commandeered by fathers in baseball caps

and shorts and mothers pushing giant buggies with babes who

only require feeder cups.  You dress for dinner and they throw theirs

on the floor- or ground-, if we are referring to the outside courtyard. 

Sometimes the infant accessories even manage to project their

regurgitations into your lap.

I do so agree on the distinction you make between ‘floor’ and

‘ground’, Brassie reflected. But, have you always been irritated

by kids, Candia?  I mean, didn’t you once teach the little darlings? 

Surely teachers like children?

Don’t bank on that, I replied.  D’habitude, we only like the well-behaved

ones, of which there are fewer and fewer.  I don’t mind them at informal

eateries at lunchtime, but if I am spending a mint on a rare grown-up

treat, I prefer a kiddychino-free zone.

Kiddychino?

Coming to ‘Costamuchamoulah’ by Chinese New Year, I predict.

We both sighed.

 

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My name is Candia. Its initial consonant alliterates with “cow” and there are connotations with the adjective “candid.” I started writing this blog in the summer of 2012 and focused on satire at the start.

Interspersed was ironic news comment, reviews and poetry.

Over the years I have won some international poetry competitions and have published in reputable small presses, as well as reviewing and reading alongside well- established poets. I wrote under my own name then, but Candia has taken me over as an online persona. Having brought out a serious anthology last year called 'Its Own Place' which features poetry of an epiphanal nature, I was able to take part in an Arts and Spirituality series of lectures in Winchester in 2016.

Lately I have been experimenting with boussekusekeika, sestinas, rhyme royale, villanelles and other forms. I am exploring Japanese themes at the moment, my interest having been re-ignited by the recent re-evaluations of Hokusai.

Thank you to all my committed followers whose loyalty has encouraged me to keep writing. It has been exciting to meet some of you in the flesh- in venues as far flung as Melbourne and Sydney!

Copyright Notice

© Candia Dixon Stuart and Candiacomesclean.wordpress.com, 2012-2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Candia Dixon Stuart and candiacomesclean.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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