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Tag Archives: Michael Douglas

Quiz Night

04 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by Candia in Celebrities, Film, Humour, Politics, Social Comment, Suttonford, Tennis, Writing

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Boris Becker, Boris Johnson, Cluedo, denunciation box, Ghostbusters, Liberace, Lloyds TSB, Michael Douglas, Perpetual Victim, quiz night, Wilderstein

The Running Sore, only one of Suttonford’s watering holes, once-favoured by

the droving community, had been refurbished by its dyslexic landlord.  He had

decided to leave the pub sign as it was, in spite of many townspeople pointing

out the orthographical inaccuracy, or its similarity to Lloyd’s bank logo.

But how to draw in the hard-pressed-for-choice revellers?  He was in

competition with The Ostlery and The Bugle, both with their particular themed

atmospheres, aimed at certain clientele.

Ah, he thought, as he read the latest news about Edinburgh being the

new location for an updated version of the popular board game,

‘Cluedo’,  I will arrange teams who can play a Suttonford version on our

quiz night. There can be a prize for the team who is first to detect the

identity of the Perpetual Victim.  Most people round here will be only

too quick to spot one, especially if they look in the mirror.

The game’s weaponry could be retained, except that the candlestick

would be upgraded to a candelabra, if the Liberace film hadn’t rendered

that item too lowbrow, by connotation with Michael Douglas.

Liberace Colour Allan Warren.jpg

Hmm, let me see, he cottagated, or was that cogitated?  I will need to supply

six new characters.  I could base them on regulars: what about Miss Melinda

D’Oyly Carter, the popular masseuse;  Colonel Grump; ‘Lady’ Dyson, the

cleaner who loves frequenting the broom cupboards of householders to

consort , or besport, with butlers who resemble Borises Becker or Johnson;

the Rev Anna Baptiste: an heretical woman vicar- at least unorthodox in

the generally conservative ranks of Suttonford worshippers;

Mrs Everso-Peabrain, an easily recognisable ‘type’ whose cut glass

pronouncements often reverberate off the stuccoed walls of houses in

High Street (a lady who lunches as she goes about everyone else’s business.)

Finally, Sir Solly Senokat, retired military surgeon, whose third wife looks as if

she has gone under the scalpel nearly as often as a Wilderstein.

He would relocate the mansion to Royalist House, owned by Sonia, the town’s

medium.  Then he could alter the apartments to boot room, minstrels’ gallery,

tack room, barrel-vaulted gin cellar and so on.

If anyone in the town had better suggestions, then they could post them

anonymously in the denunciation box which he would fix to the outside wall

of the pub.

He couldn’t wait to witness someone accusing Melinda of homicide inflicted by

a candelabra. Or anaphylactic shock provoked by maribou allergy!

More usually it was the Suttonford Wives who expressed such

murderous thoughts towards the hard-working physio and they expressed

these premeditated malice aforethoughts in Costamuchamoulah must-seen

cafe on a fairly regular basis.  They weren’t postulating Death By Chocolate

for their bete noire, though the lady herself favoured that particular mode of

asphyxiation, it must be said.

And what would the prize for the winning team be?

Ah yes!  An overnight stay in Sonia’s haunted attic with a boastgutser, namely

himself, with Sonia’s merpission.  All lucre accrued could be donated to the

town’s favourite charity: Anacondas in Sad Verity!

Ghostbusters cover.png

With his creative character assassination, he only hoped that he would

not be found bludgeoned by the rival establishment’s hit men and floating

on Golden-Or-Otherwise Suttonford Pond, not waving, but drowning.

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My name is Candia. Its initial consonant alliterates with “cow” and there are connotations with the adjective “candid.” I started writing this blog in the summer of 2012 and focused on satire at the start.

Interspersed was ironic news comment, reviews and poetry.

Over the years I have won some international poetry competitions and have published in reputable small presses, as well as reviewing and reading alongside well- established poets. I wrote under my own name then, but Candia has taken me over as an online persona. Having brought out a serious anthology last year called 'Its Own Place' which features poetry of an epiphanal nature, I was able to take part in an Arts and Spirituality series of lectures in Winchester in 2016.

Lately I have been experimenting with boussekusekeika, sestinas, rhyme royale, villanelles and other forms. I am exploring Japanese themes at the moment, my interest having been re-ignited by the recent re-evaluations of Hokusai.

Thank you to all my committed followers whose loyalty has encouraged me to keep writing. It has been exciting to meet some of you in the flesh- in venues as far flung as Melbourne and Sydney!

Copyright Notice

© Candia Dixon Stuart and Candiacomesclean.wordpress.com, 2012-2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Candia Dixon Stuart and candiacomesclean.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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