Dru fed the glass empties into an orifice in the bottle bank. Gus assisted.
Hang on! What’s this? I thought that bag was jolly heavy, she exclaimed.
At the bottom of the jute carrier was a large urn with a paper label
sellotaped to the lid. It read: A R- his mortal remains.
Matron must have put it in the bag, said Gus. It’s quite heavy, relatively
What do you mean?
Well, in comparison to The Ashes. I was surprised to see how
insignificant they looked, given how seriously countries fight over them.
Trust you to think about cricket at a moment like this. What about
Aunt Augusta’s remains?
Oh, I think I just left them in The Garden of Remembrance,
Gus admitted sheepishly.
How very unfeeling, chided Dru. Anyway, what are we going to
do with these?
Take them to Wyvern Mote, I suppose and scatter them over
the aconites when no one is looking.
Dru handed the jar to her father, who promptly dropped it on
the tarmac. The lid came off and the wind scattered the ash
over the parking bays.
Dru was horrified.
It’s the thought that counts, Gus whispered lamely.
Oh yes, and now when you think of him you will associate
your father’s resting place with…
Maybe we could scrape some up… Gus took out the spoon with
which he had been eating the trifle. We could put some in the
And have him mixed up with some Bird’s custard! No, I think
we should say a prayer or something. Dru bowed her head.
Eh, bless this spot, O Lord. Greater men than my father have
been laid to rest in car parks… Richard the Third, for one…
Oh, get in the car! expostulated Dru. What’s that object on
Oh, it must be his pace maker, Gus brightened up. I remember
seeing them remove one from an Indian funeral pyre. One of the
It’s lucky it didn’t explode, said Dru. Haven’t you read The
I’ll keep it as a memento mori, said Gus. I should have asked
for Augusta’s hip replacement. They could have been twin
paperweights on my desk.
Suddenly a voice broke into their discussion. It was a traffic
I did give you a few minutes before I was going to write out the
ticket, but you are parked illegally between two bays.
Here, hold this! Gus put the remains of the urn into his hands,
along with the pacemaker, then jumped into the car.
Dru screeched out of the car park like Jeremy Clarkson leaving
Pity about the puncture they had to address a mile up the road.
They must have driven over the shards.