End of Term Reports

Tags

Andrex, Beach Boys, flugelhorn, George Formby, Hark! the Herald Angels Sing, Harriet Harman, Hawaiian shirt, Orwell, PHSE, St Birinus, The Calypso Carol

It’s that time of year again, when anxious Suttonford parents await brown

envelopes with the Xmas Letter from the Head, next year’s Calendar of School

Events AND the booklet of reports which, they hope, will validate the great

expense that they have poured into their children’s education and which will

somehow prove that a silk purse can be made out of a sow’s ear, if sufficient

funds have been cast in the right direction.  Bread has been cast on waters

which MIGHT return after many days.

It all depends, of course, on whether the precocious pupil remembers to

deliver the parentally-addressed missive from their backpack, so that an

inspection can be made regarding progress, or the lack thereof.

St Birinus Middle School                    December 2012

William Brewer-Mead (Bill)

Another hyperactive, but productive term for Bill.  His Attention Deficit

Disorder could be seen to influence his pick n’ mix engagement with

the broader curriculum.

His Geography project on sustainability lacked focus, but evidenced

the predilections of a polymath.  (Renaissance man was ever thus!)

If he could persuade himself of the value of physical stillness, he would

perform more consistently and with less impact on his peers.

Nevertheless, what was I saying?  Oh dear, I seem to forget.  Forgive

me.  It’s been a lengthy term.

A*

N. Milford-Haven.

Ferdinand Brewer-Mead  (Ferdy)

Ferdy’s PHSE essay: Ginger and Proud of It!  gave the class much to consider

regarding the school yard persecution of minorities.  His linguistic points on

gender difference: foxy lady (positive); ginger minger (pejorative) were

insightful and far-reaching. Cross-cultural relevance, an important assessment

objective, was achieved in the apposite integration of the Welsh proverb: os

bydd goch, fe fydd gythreulig.  (We will take his word on the translation.)

Political comment was pertinent regarding Harriet Harman’s cruel comments

regarding rodents.  Are rats our brothers? Orwell would have been proud of

him.

1^st for Science-well done! A*

N. M-H (PHSE Dept.)

 

John Boothroyd-Smythe

John’s George Formby impersonation at the House Evening in November

was an example of ukulele playing at its finest.  Some of the lyrics were

somewhat infused with innuendo which may have been considered

unsuitable for some of the Juniors in the audience, as one or two irate,

though perhaps narrow-minded, parents were prompt to point out.

John shines in solo work, as his 25% extra time allowance can detract

from the musical experience of other members of the school orchestra.

Science: 3^rd.  An admirable effort and a foundation which he can build

on as he contemplates future public examinations.

A*

N. M-H (Form teacher)

Castor and Pollux Willoughby- Dual report                    Dec. 2012

Always adept at blowing his own trumpet, Castor’s flugelhorn fluctuations

added a triumphalist tone to the descant of Hark! the Herald Angels Sing

at the Carols n’ Collection for this term’s chosen charity: Curs In Crisis, outside

B&Q.  He coped remarkably well when an inebriated member of the public

inconsiderately rammed a 2x roll packet of Andrex into his instrument.

Twin, Pollux, practised assiduously his marimba accompaniment to The Calypso

Carol for the Junior School Nativity play and showed that his sense of syncopation

and rhytm- (sic) is increasing.

His sporting of a Hawaiian shirt was interpreted as an attempt at ethnic

authenticity, but we beg to remind you that such garments do not conform

to our policies and regulations regarding school uniform.

PS- May I ask where one could buy one?  I am such a fan of The Beach Boys.

Thank You.

A*

Nigel Milford-Haven B.A. Hons., B.Ed.

 

Cabinet of Curiosities

Tags

cabinet of curiosities, Calypso Carol, Carmen, Daily Mail, Easter Island, Financial Times, Hawaiian shirt, huzun, Istanbul, Moai, Monteverdi, Nobel Prize, Orhan Pamuk, oxymoron, Panama hat, Rolls Royce, Royal Yacht, Simon Schama, Singer sewing machine, The Longs Arms, Weekend Magazine

I always feel guilty when I destroy the barista’s carefully created fern on the

top of my coffee, but, then, one has to drink the frothy arrangement.

Goodness knows, one has paid enough for it, especially at Costamuchamoulah

must-seen cafe.   At least The Financial Times Weekend magazine can be

appropriated from the public wall rack, to compensate.  The Yummies always

go for The Daily Mail, I find.

Oh, the ecstasy of finding Simon Schama and Orhan Pamuk in the same article.

I loved the novel Istanbul and was fascinated by the concept of huzun, a state

of collective memory.

Pamuk has gathered a series of objects which he stores and displays in

cabinets and these items resonate with memory traces of significant moments

in his characters’ lives.  Once these memories are categorised, they can be

stored and owned.

I wondered if I could rent or purchase a building in Suttonford where I could

collect objects connected with the narrative of my characters’ lives?

Re-winding some of my posts, I could imagine the first vitrines exhibiting a

crystal ball which belonged to Sonia, the medium who lives in Royalist House.

An empty bottle of Dewlap’s Gin for the Discerning Grandmother would

represent Sonia’s neighbour, Ginevra.  The latter’s e-novel based on a meeting

of geriatric hearts and minds could be referred to by a mobility scooter, which,

of course, would take up a large glass box on its own- something like the one

which protected HM’s Rolls Royce on The Royal Yacht, Britannia.

Doomed romance would be conveyed by the original Valentine, complete with

its proposal of marriage (never received) which the youthful Augustus

Snodbury slid under the nubile lax mistress, Diana Fotheringay’s door all those

troubled years ago.  The diamond ring which fell down the cracks in the

floorboards at The Longs Arms, but which was recovered, though not without

embarrassment, would also speak volumes to the tender-hearted.

Perhaps there could be an unmade bed which still belongs to Tiger-Lily and a

string of knitted women bishops which was removed from the cathedral

railings in Wintoncester, having been yarn-bombed there by Juniper, the

increasingly famous, gender-fluid, street graffiti artist.

The town’s canine lovers might donate a diamante pug collar belonging to

Pooh-Bah and the ever-present risk of animal vandalism might be portrayed

by the photograph of the priceless Pre-Moai figure from Easter Island, which

Andy, the Border Terrier so thoroughly digested.

Academic life could be shown by the Hawaiian shirt which one of the

Willoughby twins wore when he played the solo marimba in The Calypso Carol

at the end of term concert at St Birinus, and which provoked a caution

regarding the upholding of school rules regarding uniform.

Staying on a musical theme, the programme notes for the Monteverdi concert

in Bath which so riveted Drusilla, Diana and Gus would be interesting to study

in future years, as the cast list so clearly displayed Geoffrey Poskett and Nigel

Milford- Haven, of whom much more has to be said in future posts.

Snod’s battered Panama hat, which he sat on inadvertently at the

aforementioned concert and which Nigel effectively ruined by wearing it

when painting his mother’s bathroom ceiling, should be juxtaposed to set

up a dialogue with the alternative headgear which Nigel’s mother fished out

of her black sack and gave to him to wear to the opera, Carmen.  Placed side

by side, the museum-goer should be able to detect that this hat which Nigel,

or Caligula as he is affectionately called by the children in his care, is going to

return duplicitously to his older colleague in lieu of the original- oh, drat, I’ve

given away the plot..- will be seen to be a size seven and a quarter, and not

the seven and three quarters which Snod has always sported on his rather

large dome of a head.

History, and family history at that, will be brought to life by the inclusion of a

Singer sewing machine which belonged to Jean Waddell, Carrie’s maternal

grandmother.

I am excited by the prospect of making the intangible tangible.  Oxymoron

creates such dynamic tension!

Thank you for the idea, Orhan.  I won’t expect a Nobel Prize for it as it would

be akin to plagiarism, but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

(To understand the exophoric references and intertextuality of this entry,

please refer to previous posts!)