Tags
Alistair Darling, anthrax, bacon sandwich, David Cameron, deep-fried Mars bar, Edinburgh University, Eeyore, Fiat Panda, geek out, Gruinard, heffalumps, Kung Fu Panda, LSE, Miliband, Piglet, SNP, Tab student newspaper, The Gaffe, Valley of Peace, Wol, woozles
Little did I know that the bear-like creature with dark rings round its eyes
would be making the headlines today, after having given him sufficient
publicity yesterday. I must be ahead of trend.
Apparently Kung Fu Panda accepted an unconditional offer of admission to
the prestigious LSE. I know Alistair Darling will be relieved that the would-
be Master is at last showing some interest in Economics, but, alas it may be
too late for the poor diasporran Scots who have been denied a vote in the
referendum.
Someone told the student newspaper Tab that they thought his acceptance
had been some kind of a racist joke. Some wondered if he would be paying
tuition fees. Yes, the displaced Jocks definitely agree that their denial of
participation in the pseudo-democratic process is a joke.
Just a not very funny one. About as comical as the illegal immigrant who
sneaked over the Channel in someone else’s Fiat Panda. Once Border
Controls are established they won’t allow Kung Fu Panda into what’s left
of the rump of a dismembered kingdom. Not if they have any sense. Not
even to take up his notional place at LSE.
There’s a nice wee island called Gruinard where he could strutt his stuff
amid the anthrax and a flock of compliant sheep. It’s aye been guid
for hosting the odd rebel or outcast.
Some of the student fraternity took the gaffel well, considering that
everyone needs a laugh now and then, but most entrepreneurial
ex-pats do not find the debate entertaining in the slightest.
It transpires that Kung Fu Panda was just a test name, amongst
others.
Well, I wonder who on earth Piglet corresponds to?!
And lest our comments be imbalanced, we need to point out that racism is in
no way a criticism solely attributed to the tutelary camp. The President of the
Edinburgh University Union’s SNP Branch allegedly called David Cameron an
‘English t***‘ She defended herself by saying the comment was ‘open to
interpretation’. Just like my posts!
But which word was deemed to be the more offensive, I wonder?
Wol could also refer to Kung Fu Panda’s sparring partner. He goes in
for long stuffy speeches and sees himself as a mentor and elder statesman.
Like Kung Fu Panda, when he hasn’t read a notice, he bluffs his way
through it.
Eeyore takes a leaf out of KF Panda’s book in that he offers things which
are not in his power to endow- Piglet’s house, for example. The pessimistic
one offered it to Wol without ascertaining its true owner. KFP is adept at
generously playing Santa Claus with the rest of the Union’s assets.
The only unifying thing about the whole bang shoot of them is that they’d
better look out for the Beetles. They are furthermore distracted by having
run-ins with political heffalumps who are largely figments of their
over-stretched imaginations, but they’d be better to look over their
shoulders for woozles, who are known to inhabit cold, snowy landscapes
and don’t take political prisoners.
Let’s face it, they all want the honey- oil? for themselves!
Now Legend of Awesomeness, Backson Miliband, is trying to say that he
will restore everyday things that he has destroyed. Everyone in The Valley
of Peace needs to maintain calm and geek out, as they say in Disney
versions.
I’m sure KF Panda has a redundant bacon sandwich he could loan the
Legend, along with a deep fried Mars Bar. That should keep his strength
up when the going gets tough and the tough get going..
Candia Comes Clean 