Once we had established that if there was a sprog, amazingly it would be Cosmo’s, we calmed Brassie’s fears that she might have twins again. The nuit de passion must have happened on the evening that she did not attend the choir rehearsal.
Lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice, Carrie assured her.
But Cosmo isn’t so much a bolt of lightning as a bolt from the blue, or even a damp squib, protested Brassie.
Too much information, I commented.
Here, Brassie, eat some of this chocolate marshmallow slice for me, said Carrie. You’ll be eating for two- or three now. Only joking!
Don’t, expostulated Brassie. I haven’t even bought a ‘Predictor’ kit yet.
Sonia came in at this point and I quipped,
Well, here is a perambulant one entering the premises, even as we speak.
We were just talking about boa constrictors, said Carrie and we nearly choked.
Actually, confessed Brassie, we were just debating whether I was pregnant or not.
Not the ghost of a chance, said Sonia. I can tell.
How? we all said simultaneously.
Because- brace yourself, Brassica- I have seen Cosmo visiting Magda for the last month, when you thought he was sleeping in the observatory.
But I thought he was a damp squib!
Be that as it may, your symptoms are just a phantom pregnancy- like Mary Tudor’s. It will disappear, and I dare say, so will Cosmo, just like Philip of Spain did.
Brassie was ashen. But I don’t want him to disappear. I don’t want him to visit Magda. What has she got that I don’t?
Oysters from ‘Know Your Plaice’ in North Street. They’re aphrodisiacs you know. He simply wouldn’t have been able to resist, said Sonia authoritatively.
So all the time I thought he was looking at the stars…
..he was lying in a moral gutter. Upsetting, I know, but Sonia will disenchant them. She took out a cigarette and then pocketed it again, having remembered that there was legislation against smoking inside.
How are you going to split them up? we asked, in admiration.
At Clammie and Tristram’s Fireworks party. I think we are all going to be invited. I will set up a tent in the garden and do some Tarot readings. I will serve her the Fool.
I’m sure Clammie will agree, if we tell her about the plan, I agreed. It’s so appropriate. Casanova’s Russian mistress was into divination, so it’s very romantic. The Lovers and Greater Secrets feature in the Major Arcana, don’t they?
Don’t get carried away, warned Sonia. It’s all about presenting querants with their choices. I’ll give him something nasty about wands!
Thank you so much, said Brassie. I won’t need to go to the chemist’s now. But I’m still going to treat myself to those drainpipe jeans. I’m worth it.
Of course you are, we all soothed her.