St Ninian’s Day.
Ninian died on 16th September, 432 AD. He was the Apostle to the Southern Picts. The cathedral in Perth is named after him, but I do not think Andy had time to leave Dunblane to light a wee tea-light in gratitude. He had his own St Blane to attend to. Draped in a Saltire, the Muzzard was mobbed by local fans who had waited in the rain for him, perhaps hoping for a couple of years to be knocked off their personal purgatories. He signed a few indulgences for his primary school followers.
I wonder if he went up to Dunblane Hydro, so disappointing now that it has had the Hilton chain treatment, with piped-and I don’t mean bagpiped- muzak-in its public lavatories. The makeover style is nineties corporate, so I do not think that they will get the wedding booking. Serves them right.
I expect that Andy’s moody black and white photograph will join the other portraits of Famous Scots in the bar. The Husband and I relaxed on some very comfy, squidgy sofas in the said area and waited, almost as long as it took Andy to win his first Grand Slam, for a coffee and hot chocolate. The latter (no, I meant latter, not latte) arrived with marshmallows-a kind gesture-, but, believe you me, if you want mallows, haste ye back to The Gleneagles Hotel and Andrew Fairlie will convert you for life. Anything else is a Marshwiggle (see Chronicles of Narnia).
Dunblane Cathedral would be the perfect second best option to The Church of the Holy Rude, Stirling (as mentioned in previous postings), for Andy’s Coronation. Sorry, I meant marriage. Friends of Dunblane Cathedral could add a new misericord to the fantastic set that they already have there. Since there is a quirkily carved bat on one, why not have a modern racquet on a commemorative seat, specially carved for Andy to sit on whenever he visits to take up his Freedom of the City? If Kim needs to sit beside him, they could always get a local craftsman to carve a cute little Border terrier for her particular throne. Maybe they would need three extra seats, if mummy always comes along, so she could have a raven or a dagger on hers.
But what if Kim wants to wed down south, in Wimbledon, or Surrey? What if she judges Andy to be a bit of a skinnymalinkylonglegs for a kilt? Pity, as a sporran would be just the job for him to keep a couple of tennis balls to the ready, for throwing to his retinue after the service. Kim might have to realise that she is marrying a legend (You’re epic, Andy, the banners read.) Like Ruth in the Old Testament, his people might have to become her people. Certainly his god has already had to become hers.
So, she’d better have a sprig of white heather in her bouquet and sport a Murray tartan garter. Maybe she will be drummed through Dunblane and chained to the railings with a chamber pot placed in front of her, to pick up a nuptial collection, in the auld tradition. Or she may simply lodge her wedding list at Jenner’s, Edinburgh:
2 gold feeding bowls with Olympic rings (engraved) – presumably for the dogs
Saltire champion-sized duvet set
Gold frame for Lendl photo
American fridge filled with Irn-Bru
Deep fat fryer for Mars Bars
New DVD player..
I wonder if Andrew Fairlie will be asked to do the catering?
Fairlie: and how do you like your deep fried Mars Bar?
Andy: Saignant, I think.. No, a point.
Fairlie: For you, Andy, it will be match point. Eh, and how do you like your Border terrier?
Andy: Medium rare, I think.
© Candia Dixon Stuart and Candiacomesclean.wordpress.com, 2012